


a silent film can be so loud.

by pyroallerdyce



Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [8]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, Short One Shot, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 17:45:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18665296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroallerdyce/pseuds/pyroallerdyce
Summary: The memories playback like the old black and white films she worked on, scratchy and grainy with tiny holes appearing in certain frames.  It takes work to recall a particular memory, to find the right reel of film and feed it through the projector instead of crashing onto the sofa and pressing a few buttons.  Sometimes she questioned whether or not the process was worth it, but then the memory reel starts to turn and the picture hits the screen, and she loses herself in her past.In their past.or: here's a story of Rey and Ben, from the very first meeting to the maybe happy ending.





	a silent film can be so loud.

**Author's Note:**

> I've tried to write this story so many times in so many fandoms. I've had it up, I've taken it down, I've tweaked it, I've rewritten it, I've done all kinds of shit to this. I'm not sure it makes any sense whatsoever, it's an entirely strange concept of telling a story to me, but it's what was in my brain so just go with it. 
> 
> If you like it, please let me know I'm not just writing into a void.

Rey sat in a dark room day after day, hour after hour, carefully restoring frame after frame of film that was shot decades before she was born. The work can be boring and tedious, have her playing games on her iPhone or sleeping on the small sofa that's tucked away in the corner, but she loves it, really. She'd fallen in love with the old movies as a child, and once she'd realized there was a way to work with them, she'd jumped at the chance. The film industry wasn't entirely about the big, flashy, special effects-laden moneymakers of the present, but also about the old, nearly forgotten films that didn't have a drop of color and sometimes not even a note of sound. It was in those films that her passion lied, and every time a frame turned out as expected, the smile on her face made all the hours she spent alone worth it.

But during the restoration process, during those hours of solitude in that dark room, having no one to talk to is more of a curse than a blessing. Texting back and forth can kill time, but it's not the same as having another person there with her, hearing the emotions in their voice and the secrets in their laugh. And that was when she started to think of the person she'd like to have occupying that dark room with her, and that was when her own private screening began.

The memories playback like the old black and white films she worked on, scratchy and grainy with tiny holes appearing in certain frames. It takes work to recall a particular memory, to find the right reel of film and feed it through the projector instead of crashing onto the sofa and pressing a few buttons. Sometimes she questioned whether or not the process was worth it, but then the memory reel starts to turn and the picture hits the screen, and she loses herself in her past.

In their past.

The opening scene was always of that first meeting, in the audio/video section of the campus library. They'd both put in requests at the desk and were there to pick up the items they'd requested. The lady behind the desk looked agitated, quickly grabbing the boxes and pushing them in their directions. She went to one table and started searching through a box that was supposed to be filled with empty projector reels; he went to a different table searching through a box that was supposed to be filled with old eight-track tapes. It took them a few minutes to realize they had each other's boxes, and then he was walking towards her table and sitting down across from her and smiling as they exchanged boxes and names. The conversation was natural, easy, and as the day grew long and the light streaming in from the windows dimmed, they slowly learned more and more about each other. When the library's closing time hit and they had to go their separate ways, it was with the promise to see one another again. Soon. And as she walked away from the tall brick building that housed the library and towards the dingy, tiny existence that was her apartment, all she thought about was the man whose name she'd learned was Ben.

Soon happened by accident a week later, and therefore was the next scene, even though they barely saw each other. The band that Ben was managing had rented out recording space in the studio that she worked nights in because it was the closest to a film studio that she could get. And all she saw of Ben that night was a brief hello as they passed each other in the hall as he followed the band into Studio C, and a slightly longer goodbye around four a.m. when Ben paused for a moment in front of the desk she was sitting behind just to say that he'd see her around campus. No, that night became the next scene in this particular film because it was the night when she realized she'd really like to get to know Ben. She wanted dinners and breakfasts and walks around campus holding hands and she had absolutely no idea why she wanted any of that because she barely knew this guy. But she couldn't get him out of her mind, and she wanted to know everything there was to know about him.

There was a montage at this point, clips of their almost moments. Walking into the cafeteria as Ben was walking out, unable to stay because he had to get to class. Crossing paths in the courtyard, Ben mentioning that the band was going to be at the studio that night only for her to say it was her night off. The incredibly awkward night where they both ended up at the same bar, only for her to realize after a few minutes that Ben was most definitely there was someone who was decidedly not her. Ducking through archways and taking the long way to classes for the next few weeks before Ben finally caught up to her, wanting to know why she was clearly avoiding him.

Her way of explaining her avoidance was the final shot in the montage, slowed down to something ridiculous like five frames a second and accompanied by a strong orchestral bit of the score, because that's how the first kiss of the grand love story should always be treated.

She ended up in Ben's bed that night, and then the night after that, and the night after that, and the night after that. And that's when the boring stretch of the first part comes in. Those first happy, joyful stages of being in love, mixed in with classes and music, libraries and studios. The part of the film where you can't decide whether it's going to be like that for the rest of the film, and if so, why was the film made, or if some unexpected twist is going to happen at any moment and tear the two lovers apart.

Then six months later came the scene where Ben shows up at her doorstep and announces the band got a recording contract. And after all the celebrating, the alcohol and the sex and dancing around her apartment like idiots, the part of the announcement she didn't want to pay attention to hit her like a punch to the stomach. Recording the album in New York, a nationwide promotional tour for the first single, followed by a nationwide tour opening for one of music's biggest groups. Ben gone for months and months, but he'll call twice a day and fly back to Los Angeles every chance he gets, and there's always texts and emails.

And because she loved Ben, and she knew how much the band and their success means to him, she let him go.

She graduated a few months later with a degree that had nothing to do with what she planned to do with her life, and her mother flew in from London to attend the commencement ceremony, and this was supposed to be the scene where she introduced Ben to her mother. But Ben was not there, he was in Mexico City because the band was invited to play this amazing festival and they couldn't turn it down. So she took her mother around Los Angeles and did all the touristy things that her mother wanted to do and shrugged off her questions about which law school she was going to apply to. And after a few days, she took her back to LAX to catch her flight back to London and got caught up in a crowd of screaming girls surrounding a group of familiar looking men, and then one of them screamed the band's name just as her eyes landed on Ben. Ben who had his arms wrapped around the waist of a gorgeous blonde girl, and she didn't need any more proof that she'd been played like a fool.

She broke down and cried once she was in her car. There's no music accompanying this scene, just the sound of broken sobs to set the tone. Eventually, she pulled herself together enough to drive home, and then she spent two days feeling sorry for herself and ignoring all of Ben's attempts at communication before she decided she was living the cliché of acting like a girl. She made herself leave the house and buy a newspaper, and she made herself go apply for the job at the film restoration company. Once she got the job, she moved out of her shitty apartment and into a better one, and she got a roommate named Finn who wanted to be an actor and for some reason believed that she was his ticket into the industry, and she spent four hours one afternoon blocking every phone number or email address that she thought Ben could use to contact her. And by doing so, she started to move on.

She worked her way up the company ladder quite quickly, going from a junior assistant to a full-blown restorer in a little more than a year. Finn got a job as a drama queen on some daytime soap opera she'd never heard of and Finn, for some reason, considered it all to be because of her. Finn introduced her to the show's producer Poe, and after the fifth time they end up in bed together, she decided to stop thinking about things and just let them happen. Theirs was no grand love story; their kisses don't need orchestral crescendos. Late one night when she was almost asleep, Poe finally confessed about the woman he really loves, a journalist in Chicago who thinks that Poe's silver screen ambitions are silly. She pretended she never heard Poe's confession, and they just stopped calling each other after a while, which upset Finn far more than it did her.

She turned off the radio every time one of the band's songs comes on, and she kept an eye on their touring schedule just to make sure she was working on all the nights they spent in Los Angeles. The last thing she wanted was to cross paths with Ben.

So, of course, she crossed paths with Ben. Early in the morning during her usual stop at Starbucks on her way to work, opening her mouth to give the barista her order only for a voice she'd recognize in her sleep to order for her. Venti Quad Espresso Machiatto Skinny Extra Hot. Nearly two years since they'd last been in a coffee shop together and Ben still knew what she ordered and how to order it better than she did. Ben added his own drink and then paid for them both, and once they both had their coffee, Ben asked if they could sit down and talk. She glanced at her watch and shook her head, mumbling about work and walking out of the shop. Ben fell into step next to her after a few moments, and despite the fact that she could tell Ben had lots to say, the walk down Sunset Boulevard towards her office was a quiet one. She slowed her pace as they approached the building, and she turned to look at Ben once they'd reached the door.

She asked him to leave; Ben refused.

She threatened to call the police; Ben said he'd gladly be arrested if that would get her to talk.

She rattled off some ridiculous bullshit about the project she was working on being like government level top secret; Ben saw through that in an instant.

So she walked into the building, and Ben followed her. They reached the darkroom that was her office, and Ben sat down on the sofa as she checked on a few things she'd left overnight. She knew she couldn't start work on a new frame until Ben was gone and she could focus solely on that, so when she ran out of things to do, she sat down on the sofa next to Ben and played around with the cardboard sleeve on her cup. Ben started talking after a while, filling her in on all the details about the band and the albums and the tours, just like he used to on the phone. He talked about getting caught up in a lifestyle that he never imagined he'd actually have, and getting caught up in everything that went along with that – the girls, the booze, the drugs. He'd been caught up in it all, and now, he'd given it all up. He'd quit as the band's manager, he'd spent the last two and a half months in rehab, and he felt that seeing her on his first morning free of all that was a sign.

Ben shifted around on the sofa until he was facing her, and he started to apologize. She listened to the words that came off Ben's lips, and she thought about all the nights when she'd sworn to herself that she would never forgive him, and before she knew what she was doing, she was in Ben's arms and their lips were pressed together and every tiny bit of emptiness and loneliness faded away.

She didn't get any work done that day.

And she wasn't getting much done on this day either. The frame that was the object of her attention was one from the very end of the film, lines of credit typed over the garden scene, and it was making her mind drift back to her personal film of memories, wondering after which scene she should place the credits.

Maybe the one where Ben moved in after Finn moved out, his career taking him to New York City and a starring role on Broadway.

Or the one where they went to London together and she finally got to introduce Ben to her mother.

Possibly the one where they spontaneously decided to walk into a jewelry store on Melrose and walked out with a diamond ring around her ring finger.

She thought about those and many more, but in the end, she chose a memory that was so fresh, so new, that she wasn't even sure it could be considered a memory. It was an image from that morning, Ben sleeping soundly, his hand gently holding onto the tiny, tiny fingers of their newly adopted son.

Her life.

Her family.

Her happy ending.

Cue the credits.


End file.
